Conversations Make a Difference

Today, we find ourselves drowning in words, radio talk shows; television talk shows; magazine, television and radio interviews by and with the hosts of radio and television talk shows; robocalls from political candidates and their opponents; tape-looped commercials at the grocery store checkout line; spam emails; junk faxes; blogs, blogs about blogs, and blogs about blogs about blogs. Yet, amid this surfeit of words, we find ourselves starved for real conversation, for those ineffable moments when we connect with another to discover a heart open and a mind ablaze.

We long to learn more about conversation. what it is, what it was, and what it should be. Unfortunately, this book doesn't tell us any such thing. Mr. Miller merely presents us with an undigested agglomeration of facts and quotations, shying away from the historian's necessary intellectual task of marshaling those facts into a compelling case for one side or the other. And it doesn't help that he is a numbingly pedantic writer: "One cannot be a good conversationalist if one lacks a sense of humor," Miller writes, in a proclamation that cries out for a gloss of hot pink highlighter. "Equally important is being a good listener." Particularly annoying is his persistent habit of making a statement, then backing it up with a quotation that says precisely the same thing. "If we think someone finds us boring, we dislike that person. As La Rochefoucauld says: 'We often forgive those who bore us, but we cannot forgive those who find us boring.'

Define Your Goals Effectively

Goals are precise and measurable objectives with exact time frames and targets. Goals are short-term steps toward our long-term vision. Goals are specific points along our journey to higher performance. They could be organization or team improvement objectives such as targets for cycle time, customer satisfaction, error or defect rates, new products or services, costs, or revenues. Personal goals could include targets such as income level or financial position, new home, car or other item, an academic or technical qualification, business we want to start, or position we want to reach.

Clear and powerful goals set priorities. They narrow the wide field of options and choices to those few activities that leverage our limited time and attention. They keep us focused on finding the shortest, most direct route to our destination. That means goals point out where not to go and what not to do as much as where we should go and what we should do. So clear goals lead to faster, clearer decisions, which move us more quickly toward our dreams.

Long-term goal setting has always been vaguely unsatisfying for me. I lean more naturally toward visioning. Part of the reason I am uncomfortable with long-term goal setting is because goals are shallow. Goals define what you want to have, not what you want to become. They are a means, not an end.

Another reason goal setting has been less satisfying is because I've never been very good at it. Most of the time frames on my projections, forecasts, and predictions are wrong. I suppose I should ask for a refund on my cloudy crystal ball. But through persistence and staying true to my course, I've eventually reached and then reset many of my visions. I've generally got to where I wanted to go and became the person I wanted to become. But it was always through a different route than I first expected to take. I guess that's called learning.

So there's the paradox of goals. I believe in personal, team, and organization goal setting. I continue to set goals. And I continue to help leaders set goals and objectives for themselves, their teams, and their organization. Goals are targets that help us immensely in moving from a general vision to a specific set of priorities and actions.