Jest 4 Jokes

Twelve differences between Men and Women:

Something very funny.

1. Names:

• If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
• If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. Eating Out:

• When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw ina $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back.
• When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. Money:

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

4. Arguments:

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Whatever a man says, after that is the beginning of a new argument.

5. Pets:

• Women love pets.
• Men say they love pets, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

6. Future:

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

7. Success:

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

8. Marriage:

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

9. Dressing Up:

• A woman will dress up to go for shopping, to water the plants, empty the garbage, read a book, and read the mail.
• A man will dress up only for weddings and funerals.

10. Natural Looks:

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

11. Offspring:

• A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

12. Final Thought:

• A married man should forget his mistakes.
• There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Ha ha ha...